Enjoy the Ride

In Chapter 3 of The Artist’s Way, “Recovering A Sense of Power,” Julia Cameron says, “Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. You are capable of great things on Tuesday, but on Wednesday you may slide backward. This is normal. Growth occurs in spurts. You will lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting."

If my career were someone else’s I would be impressed with what has been accomplished. Yet, when I spend a couple days, like this past weekend, laying on the couch sick with the flu, all I can think about are my unfinished projects. The paintings I haven’t completed, the creativity book I’m still writing, and the art class curriculum I have yet to finish developing.

With collectors Anita & Larry Larson, 2009

In 4 years, I’ve shown in 23 group art shows, 4 solo exhibitions, and was the featured artist at 3 silent auction fundraisers. In the process, I’ve sold 30 works of art, including 5 paintings at the opening reception of my first solo exhibition and 2 commissions. In addition, I was a Featured Artist of the Month on DenverArtist.com, received an Honorary Mention ribbon from Art of the Rockies, and was interviewed by the Denver Post regarding the Piano I painted for the city of Denver.

Then there are my writing accomplishments. In addition to this blog, I was a guest blogger for Tarcher/Penguin publishing for 12 consecutive weeks. I was published in 2 anthologies. And recently, I was invited to write a piece for Creative Thought magazine.  

Not too shabby for a girl who started sharing her creations with the world just 4 short years ago. But as I laid on the couch, too sick to be useful or productive, I wondered, “Are my dreams pipe dreams?  Am I kidding myself thinking that if I keep working at it, someday I may be able to make a living as a full-time working artist? Or am I hoping for the impossible?”

Even Georgia O’Keeffe, the first American woman painter to realize her life’s dream of earning a living by her art, took breaks. In How Georgia Became O’Keeffe: Lessons on the Art of Living biographer Karen Karbo says, “She would go through phases when she worked every day, but there were days and weeks when she would read, spend hours tramping around outside, write letters, sew, and play dominoes with the cowboys. When she was at the height of her fame, she spent an inordinate amount of time doing housework.”

As I convalesced, I contemplated the meaning of my life and the purpose of my art. I wondered, “Why am I not content to just live a simple life, to just hold down one job and be a wife? Why do I possess this inner propulsion to create, express, and connect with others? And if I need to create, why isn’t my inner muse satisfied with just one form of expression? Why must I feel called to paint, and write, and as if those were not enough, to teach too? Why God, WHY?”

The simple truth is, I don’t know why.  It’s like asking, “Why do I like the color purple or French vanilla ice cream?” I just do. It’s part of who I am. I’m a creative being, so I must create. I must! Creativity is what gives my life meaning and, at times, makes life bearable enough to live.  

Getting sick forced me to stop and take time to listen to my inner guidance. I was reminded that I can try to manage my time and schedule my days. Wednesdays are typically spent writing, while Saturdays are usually spent in the art studio. But as John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

I will try to remember Lennon’s sage advice. And when I get ahead of myself and think I should be doing more, or have accomplished more, I will remember to enjoy the ride and release my attachment to the outcomes as I continue to Live The Artist’s Way.

Power of the Pages

Working in the studio on "Through Veils of Illusion"

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, says that to recover as an artist we must be willing to be a bad artist. She encourages us to approach our art as play. But how do I allow myself to play when there are bills to pay?

I have the same day job I did 3 years ago – the last time I did The Artist’s Way and was a guest blogger for the book’s publisher, Tarcher/Penguin. But I’ve since gone down to 4-days to focus more on my art. With the reduction in hours came a reduction in steady income so I feel pressure to be successful. When I approached my art as a hobby, I didn’t care if I didn’t get accepted into a show or went months between sales. But now that I’m making a living honoring the creative call, I need Julia’s advice on removing creative blocks more than ever.

The morning pages are helping. However, I don’t call them morning pages. I just call them pages because I tend to write during my lunch break. On my days off, I often write earlier in the day. But since I’m a night owl, and I like to work in the studio into the wee hours, it’s often a struggle for me to get out of bed early enough just to get to work on time.

The last time I did The Artist’s Way I cheated on my pages. Julia recommends writing freehand, allowing a stream-of-consciousness to flow out onto your pages, James Joyce style. I thought I could write my 3 pages faster, to get the task over with, if I typed my pages. But I would find myself editing as I typed, disrupting the flow.

This time around I may not be writing my pages in the morning. But I am writing them – freehand – in a spiral bound notebook with a pen. I’ll be honest though, I hate the process. My hand cramps up. My neck starts to hurt. But it works!

For example, I have visions of combining my love for painting with my love for dancing as performance art. The idea exhilarates me, but the thought of following through absolutely terrifies me. Recently I was expressing the fear of this idea in my pages and then I wrote, “Baby steps. Keep painting. Take dance lessons. It will evolve naturally on its own.”

What?! Who wrote that? Certainly not me!

I was writing about my struggle with my creative fears, but then this encouraging voice of wisdom channeled through me, telling me exactly what I needed to hear in that moment . And that’s when I got it, the power of the pages. When we release our thoughts and emotions onto the page, we open ourselves to receive guidance from our higher, creative, self.

"Through Veils of Illusion"

Since starting to write pages again I finished a new 36 x 36” abstract painting titled, “Through Veils of Illusion.” The experience creating that piece was unlike any I’d ever had while painting before. It too felt channeled. I’d lose myself in the paint, having no sense of time. When I would step back I couldn’t believe that what was on the canvas came from me. It’s better – looser and freer – than anything else I’ve painted. I believe this evolution occurred in my work because the pages allow me to dump the junk in my head so that I can be completely present to the creative flow when I sit in front of the canvas. So, yeah pages!

Maybe between now and my next post I’ll have an epiphany around weekly artist dates. I have yet to find the time to schedule one. Julia says that resisting our artist dates is our fear of self-intimacy. Hmmm… I’ll explore that concept next time as I continue to live The Artist’s Way.

“Through Veils of Illusion,” can be seen in Art at the Armory now through Thursday, March 7 at the Armory at Brighton Cultural Center, located at 300 Strong St, Brighton, CO 80601. Show is open to the general public to view during business hours Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm. A reception for the selected artists from DenverArtists.com will be held on Saturday, January 26 from 5 to 9 pm. Refreshments will be served as you mingle with the artists and enjoy the sounds of Mezzo Mestiz, an acoustic trio from Boulder. Reception is free and open to the public!

The Artist's Way - Week Twelve

Twelve chapters and twelve blogs in twelve weeks – could I do it? That was the question I posed three months ago as I began reading Julia Cameron’s classic book, The Artist’s Way. Could I read a chapter a week, write daily morning pages, and go on weekly solo artist dates to “discover and recover my creative self” while working a full-time day job, meeting painting and writing deadlines, and writing and posting a blog about it each week?

Preparing to paint

Photo courtesy of Sean Richardson

It was an ambitious endeavor to follow the “spiritual path to higher creativity” as outlined in The Artist’s Way and to post a blog about it each week, but somehow I managed to do it. Did I do it perfectly? No. Did I write morning pages? Not every morning. Did I go on weekly solo artist dates? Not every week. Did I fulfill the weekly tasks as suggested at the end of each chapter? Not always. But I read a chapter a week, I wrote my morning pages more often than not, and I went on solo artist dates when I wasn’t on deadline to complete the essay that’s being independently published in a book later this year and finish new paintings for upcoming art shows.

Two weeks into The Artist’s Way Tarcher/Penguin, the publisher of Julia Cameron’s book, found my blog and contacted me about being a guest blogger on their website. As I received more comments through twitter, Facebook, and directly on my blog, as a result of the additional exposure, I realized that I wasn’t just doing The Artist’s Way for me. As I lived my life in a fish bowl for three months I had a responsibility to serve as an inspiration for others; this meant being authentic and honest about my experiences – no matter how challenging.

"It Begins With Me"

48"x 36" Acrylic & Mixed Media on Canvas

I gained a lot of insight into myself and my creative process through writing the daily morning pages. Writing my weekly blogs were also enlightening experiences. But it was the emails from complete strangers – artists living in other states – asking me how I work full-time and make time to honor my creativity that had the deepest impact on me. It was through those email correspondences that I realized that my experience with life-threatening depression nine years ago is not unique and that my need to express myself creatively and the struggle to make the time to do so is not just my own.

I’ve been asked by friends and fellow artists if I will read another Julia Cameron book and blog about it, but I don’t think I will – at least not at this time. I’ve been invited to show in a couple of more group art shows and another solo show so initially I will be putting my energy into those projects. But what is calling to me the most right now is dusting off my book manuscript and finally finishing it. It is non-fiction about the role art therapy and spirituality play in my life to love myself, to ward off depression, and live a life that is fulfilling and balanced.

Painting in the dinning room

Photo courtsey of Sean Richardson

To support me through the ambitious endeavor of finishing this book I will be attending a 7-night writing workshop cruise hosted by Hay House publishing in June. It is Hay House’s policy to only accept manuscripts from agents. But participants on the cruise will have about 6 months to finish their manuscripts and submit it directly to Hay House without an agent. Someone on the cruise will be awarded a publishing contract and a $10,000 advance.

Check back next…week? Hmmm…I don’t know when I’ll post my next blog. In the meantime, keep following your bliss and merry art making!

To learn more about Julia Cameron’s publisher Tarcher/Penguin please visit http://www.tarcherbooks.net/.

My latest painting “It Begins With Me” will be on display at Strings Restaurant in Denver from mid-April through late May. For information on Strings visit http://www.stringsrestaurant.com/.