How I Live The Artist's Way

In response to the wetcanvas.com forum question, “Have you done The Artist’s Way and did you find it creepy?” I’ve up-leveled my blog and included a video. Below is my very first vlog!

In this first, of more (shorter) videos to come, I share how I have customized Julia Cameron’s 12-week course in “Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self” to support me and my creative endeavors. I also address Julia’s reading depravation tool presented in chapter 4. And I give a mini book report on Brave Intuitive Painting by Flora Bowley.

Vloging is new territory! If you know me, you know I’m not a techy person. I rely on my husband to upload music to my ipod. So please be gentle with your comments. I promise, with more practice my future vlogs will be more laser focused so they’re shorter.  Because, really, who has time to watch a 15 minute video?!

Not for the Faint of HeART

As I continue to live The Artist’s Way, my focus this month is on chapter 4, “Recovering a Sense of Integrity.”  Julia Cameron says, “This [month] may find you grabbling with changing self-definition. The essays, tasks, and exercises are designed to catapult you into productive introspection and integration of new self-awareness.” She goes on to say, “Warning: Do not skip the tool of reading deprivation!” 

What I've been reading

Say, what? I don’t remember the tool of reading deprivation from when I did The Artist’s Way three years ago! I guess I skipped that part... 

Julia also says, “It is a paradox that by emptying our lives of distractions we are actually filling the well. Without distractions, we are once again thrust into the sensory world.”

Well, call me a rebel, but I need to read! I need a little distraction now and again. Otherwise, the “sensory world” is too much for me and I become over stimulated to the point where I faint. Literally. 

Just last week, after an extremely stressful day at my office job, I passed out. Thankfully, I was at home and my husband caught me as my knees began to buckle. Fainting happened so suddenly. One minute I was conscious. Overwhelmed, but conscious. The next thing I knew I was lying on the floor, rubbing my temple, asking, “What happen?”

I turned to my trusty copy of Louise L. Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. In the middle is a reference to the mental patterns that cause dis-ease. Louise lists the probable cause of fainting as, “Fear. Can’t cope. Blacking out.”  Her recommended new thought pattern, or affirmation, for fainting is, “I have the power and strength and knowledge to handle everything in my life.”

Living an artistic life is not for the faint of heart. As artists we often have to be relentless, fear-facing, risk taking, trail blazers. I know a lot of artists and no two careers are the same. These are different times that call for different, creative, approaches to life and art. What used to work doesn’t any more. What might work needs to be tested. At times, it’s scary. But if thinking, behaving, living, and creating different than we used to wasn’t scary, we would not know that we are on the right path, living The Artist’s Way.

Enjoy the Ride

In Chapter 3 of The Artist’s Way, “Recovering A Sense of Power,” Julia Cameron says, “Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. You are capable of great things on Tuesday, but on Wednesday you may slide backward. This is normal. Growth occurs in spurts. You will lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting."

If my career were someone else’s I would be impressed with what has been accomplished. Yet, when I spend a couple days, like this past weekend, laying on the couch sick with the flu, all I can think about are my unfinished projects. The paintings I haven’t completed, the creativity book I’m still writing, and the art class curriculum I have yet to finish developing.

With collectors Anita & Larry Larson, 2009

In 4 years, I’ve shown in 23 group art shows, 4 solo exhibitions, and was the featured artist at 3 silent auction fundraisers. In the process, I’ve sold 30 works of art, including 5 paintings at the opening reception of my first solo exhibition and 2 commissions. In addition, I was a Featured Artist of the Month on DenverArtist.com, received an Honorary Mention ribbon from Art of the Rockies, and was interviewed by the Denver Post regarding the Piano I painted for the city of Denver.

Then there are my writing accomplishments. In addition to this blog, I was a guest blogger for Tarcher/Penguin publishing for 12 consecutive weeks. I was published in 2 anthologies. And recently, I was invited to write a piece for Creative Thought magazine.  

Not too shabby for a girl who started sharing her creations with the world just 4 short years ago. But as I laid on the couch, too sick to be useful or productive, I wondered, “Are my dreams pipe dreams?  Am I kidding myself thinking that if I keep working at it, someday I may be able to make a living as a full-time working artist? Or am I hoping for the impossible?”

Even Georgia O’Keeffe, the first American woman painter to realize her life’s dream of earning a living by her art, took breaks. In How Georgia Became O’Keeffe: Lessons on the Art of Living biographer Karen Karbo says, “She would go through phases when she worked every day, but there were days and weeks when she would read, spend hours tramping around outside, write letters, sew, and play dominoes with the cowboys. When she was at the height of her fame, she spent an inordinate amount of time doing housework.”

As I convalesced, I contemplated the meaning of my life and the purpose of my art. I wondered, “Why am I not content to just live a simple life, to just hold down one job and be a wife? Why do I possess this inner propulsion to create, express, and connect with others? And if I need to create, why isn’t my inner muse satisfied with just one form of expression? Why must I feel called to paint, and write, and as if those were not enough, to teach too? Why God, WHY?”

The simple truth is, I don’t know why.  It’s like asking, “Why do I like the color purple or French vanilla ice cream?” I just do. It’s part of who I am. I’m a creative being, so I must create. I must! Creativity is what gives my life meaning and, at times, makes life bearable enough to live.  

Getting sick forced me to stop and take time to listen to my inner guidance. I was reminded that I can try to manage my time and schedule my days. Wednesdays are typically spent writing, while Saturdays are usually spent in the art studio. But as John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

I will try to remember Lennon’s sage advice. And when I get ahead of myself and think I should be doing more, or have accomplished more, I will remember to enjoy the ride and release my attachment to the outcomes as I continue to Live The Artist’s Way.

Typos, Criticism, and Warm Fuzzies

With Anassa Publications CEO Melissa Kline (on left)

My essay, “Miracle of Yes,” was recently published by Anassa Publications in the anthology Anything Prose…and Poetry, Too!  When I received my copy I discovered not one, but TWO, typos!  I had proof read the printer’s layout draft before it went to press, but I had still missed my mistakes. After discovering my errors I was critical of myself for days. I felt so embarrassed, I considered not attending the book’s launch celebration.   

In the weeks leading up to the launch I had experienced a personal, family related, disappointment that I had allowed to affect my confidence and self-esteem.  After the whiplash of promises and let downs, I was feeling pretty low. When I discovered my typos it was further proof to me that I was a failure. I had to nurture my inner artist child – a lot! – and reassure her that she is talented and worthy of love and success, regardless of the perceived rejection and my so-called “mis-takes.”   

In Chapter 3 of The Artist’s Way, “Recovering A Sense of Power,” Julia Cameron offers advice for dealing with criticism. She suggests, “Do something very nurturing for yourself – read an old good review or recall a compliment.” 

Following Julia’s advice, I went to my warm fuzzies file. Every time I get a nice email, like a positive comment on my blog or supportive feedback on my newsletter, I save it in an electronic file titled, “Warm Fuzzies.” Since you can only focus on one thing at a time, to break the cycle of negative self-talk I read old, warm fuzzy, emails. I didn’t feel better immediately, but it was a start.  After writing about my feelings in my pages, meditating, and getting a few good nights of sleep, I began to gain a different perspective on my family situation and my writing errors. By the night of the book launch celebration I had mustered up enough self-love and confidence to attend. 

My essay may not be perfect, but I’m still proud of its message. Ironically, it’s about saying Yes (to yourself, your life, opportunities) and the Universe positively responding in serendipitous ways.  So, despite my embarrassment over my typos, I went to the launch celebration anyway.  I had a great time! I caught up with pals from the Rocky Mountain Women Writers group and I met some of the other contributors.  

After I got home I posted a photo on facebook that had been taken that evening of me with Anassa Publications CEO Melissa Kline. The next morning someone who had seen the photo messaged me about submitting my essay to them to be considered for publication in Creative Thought, a popular spiritual magazine.  

My publisher owns the rights to my essay for one year so I’m waiting to hear if they will allow the magazine to publish it. If they don’t,  the magazine has invited me to submit an original piece of writing instead. Either way, despite my typos, one experience synchronistically led to another creative opportunity to spread my love and light into the world. 

I’m learning that in life, and in art, mistakes will be made and there will be disappointments. But we must keep loving ourselves, believing in our dreams, and living The Artist’s Way.

To purchase your copy of Anything Prose…And Poetry, Too! visit amazon at  http://www.amazon.com/dp/0615758169/ref=cm_sw_su_dp

To learn more about Anasssa Publications, LLC visit www.anassapublications.com

Safe Companions

In The Artist’s Way Julia Cameron says, “Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance. Your artist, like a small child, is happiest when feeling a sense of security. As our artist’s protective parent, we must learn to place our artist with safe companions.”

Caught in the act of creating

I know of no safer companion on my artistic journey than my husband, Sean Richardson. He believed in me, and my art, long before I did. I began taking painting classes again early in our relationship. I had only been living in his apartment a few months when I came home one day to find he had pulled an old kitchen table out of storage. While I was at work, he rearranged the spare bedroom we shared as a home office so the table would fit in a corner, creating my first dedicated art space.

Years later, when I began showing and selling my paintings, Sean continued to be my safe companion. He helped me hang my first solo art show, hammering nails and leveling picture frames. When I painted a piano for the city of Denver he was not only my driver, he helped me schlep my supplies – including heavy cans of paint – and fetched me lunch. And throughout this journey, it is my husband Sean who has documented my progress and my successes. He is the official photographer of Marcella Nordbeck, Inc.

On our honeymoon in Breckenridge

His support doesn’t stop there. Sean, who I affectionately call my DJ, makes me mix CDs and downloads music onto my iPod. He knows better than anyone that music is an integral part of my creative process. When I’m on deadline to finish new work for an upcoming show, it is Sean who reminds me to eat and to sleep when I’m, “living in my right hemisphere,” as I call it, and I’ve lost all sense of time. 

Austin Kleon, author of Steal Like An Artist, says, “Who you marry is the most important decision you’ll ever make. Relationships are hard enough, but it takes a real champion of a person to be married to someone who’s obsessed with a creative pursuit.”

My husband is certainly my champion. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the woman, and the artist, I am today because of his unconditional love and belief in me. Whether I sell a painting, or I don’t get accepted into a juried art show, his advice is always the same, “You’re doin’ it Baby! Just keep doin’ it!”

With my safe companion by my side, I will keep “doin’ it” as I live The Artist’s Way.

Honesty and Authenticity

Happier times at 40 West Arts in 2012. All 4 works sold!

In chapter two of The Artist’s Way, Recovering a Sense of Identity, Julia Cameron says, “You may find yourself drawing new boundaries and staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves.”  Is that what I’ve been doing?

For the past few weeks I have been a recluse. I am beginning to see the sunshine again, metaphorically, but I am still moving through grief surrounding my father’s death. Just the thought of socializing sounds draining so plans to see friends have been cancelled, often at the last minute.

I missed a friend’s art show opening, another friend’s book launch party, and two coffee dates. One with a prospective commission painting client. The other with a fellow writer with whom I’ve been discussing the idea of co-writing a book on creativity. It hasn’t just been social engagements I’ve bowed out of. I’ve missed opportunities to network and postponed artistic collaborations.  

When I feel guilty for cancelling plans I remember that Julia says, “The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves.” What I have been doing is writing – a lot! Some days I’ve written much more than Julia’s prescribed three daily morning pages. I find myself leaning into the pages as a means for staying present and feeling my emotions. It's like talking to a therapist, but without the exorbitant fees.  

With my energy low, my weekly solo artist dates have only consisted of reading. In a matter of days I devoured Julia’s autobiography, Floor Sample: A Creative Memoir. It’s a fascinating read. I couldn’t put it down. I knew Julia was a “sober alcoholic.” But I did not know that she too has struggled with depression. It was comforting, and inspiring, to learn that despite her personal history with mental illness, she has persevered and lived a successful creative life. 

When I’m steeped in depression I find it difficult to create. I recently shared with my mentor Tama Kieves that part of what blocks my creatively is the belief that as a spiritual person it’s my responsibility to put uplifting art into the world, not paintings that reflect my sadness. But Tama invited me to paint from the place of my grief anyway. She reminded me of all of the sad or angry love songs that are solace to one’s soul when going through heartbreak. After our talk I realized that it’s not just uplifting art that will inspire and heal. It has to be art that is honest and authentic.  

In progress and yet to be titled.

This past weekend I started painting again for the first time in weeks. Saturday, after another good cry, I put a single layer of paint down. On Sunday, I painted a little more, for a little longer. By Monday night I was back in the flow and told my husband I would be up late working in the studio. The result of my efforts, and courage, is a 36 x 36” work in progress panting that is yet to be titled. It’s moody, but I think it’s pretty. And I hope, despite its somber energy, that it still conveys my sense of optimism as I continue to live The Artist’s Way. 

For more information about Tama Kieves, and her creative coaching services, please visit www.tamakieves.com.

Soul-o Artist Date

A key component to Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way is going on artist dates. Julia says, “You will do this every week for the duration of the course.” She recommends that you set aside 2 hours each week and be, “committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist.” She describes artist dates as excursions or play dates that you, “preplan and defend against all interloopers.” And they’re solo – you don’t take anyone with you except your inner artist child. Julia says, “You are likely to find yourself avoiding your artist dates. Recognize this resistance as a fear of intimacy – self-intimacy.”  

While I may have been avoiding the type of solo artist dates Julia Cameron recommends, I have been having dates with my inner child, my soul. For the first time in my life I am finally being present with myself and my emotions. I have been steeped in self-intimacy… self in-to-me-see. 



Marcella (age 3) with her Father on the Oregon Coast

A few months ago I learned that my father is no longer living, but I didn’t know when or how he died. Recently a long-lost family member confirmed that 9 years ago my father lost his battle with lung cancer that spread to his brain. Since learning the details of my his death I have been overwhelmed with grief, anger, and regret.  

My parents separated when I was 4 years old. Over the years my father and I corresponded a few times through letters. But for the most part, he was not in my life. My step-father is the man who raised me. My last correspondence with my father was 15 years ago – 6 years before he died.  

In an effort to be strong and move forward with my life after my parent’s separation, I wore a mask. I pretended to be okay when really I was deeply hurting. I have spent nearly all my life numbing, stuffing, and when all else failed, distracting myself from the emotional pain of feeling abandoned as a child and the resulting, false, belief that I was unlovable. Like a recovering addict, who used to drink or drug to numb their pain, I can’t out-run it anymore. I have to be with my pain if I’m going to heal. 

These days it takes almost all my energy just go to work, much less go on a solo artist date. But this past weekend I had a date with my soul. It was a weekend of self-nurturing. In between bouts of crying, I wrote my pages and allowed myself to rest.  

When my husband went out with friends Saturday night, I stayed in. I re-watched Katy Perry’s documentary, Part of Me. I feel like I can relate to Katy in that her upbringing, being raised by Pentecostal Christian Ministers, shaped her, but it does not define her. She lives her life, and manages her career, on her terms. I love that about her! And that she writes awesome song lyrics. 

Through learning of my father’s death, I am having a rebirth. I am realizing that I am the person I am today because of who my father was, or wasn’t. His absence inspired me to pursue a journey of self-discovery. I have always been wondering and searching for the truth of who I am and the meaning of the life I live. In his small way, he played a large role in influencing the choices I made that led me to being a spiritual seeker and onto an artistic path.  

I’m still hurting. My father died. But I’m grateful that through my soul-o artist date, I have found gratitude that my father was the man he was, so that I could become the woman I am, living The Artist’s Way. 

Until my next post, I leave you with a portion of the lyrics from Katy Perry’s song Part of Me: 

This is the part of me

 That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no

…you let me down

 But that was then and this is now,

…Now look at me I'm sparkling

 A firework, a dancing flame

 You won't ever put me out again

 I'm glowin' oh whoa

…But you're not gonna break my soul, this is the part of me

 That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no.